Crap? A bit blah? Like there’s always something you’re not doing right?
Let’s try and be more eloquent:
Unconfident? Worthless? Anxious?
I’ve written about this before and I’ll keep writing about it until a time when we can see a difference in all our attitudes. My message today is simple.
Can we stop blaming ourselves please?
I’m not going to glitter coat this. Sometimes, we do make mistakes, sometimes, you will just be having a bad hair day, and there’s not a lot you can do about it. Yes, sometimes I’ll leave the oven on (or not turn it on in the first place). Yes, sometimes at work, I get stressed. But guess what? People make mistakes; we all do. And if anyone out there thinks these things are bad, my god, I remember how bad I was when I was a teenager, and I bet you all were too!
However, my view is: as long as you accept the mistakes you make, or you can accept that some days your make up won’t be 100% on point, then we’re all going to be a little happier, aren’t we? Let’s not waste energy worrying about whether that boy across the classroom can tell you’ve got a spot or not, or worrying about whether that girl at work knows that things in your personal life ain’t great at the moment.
I think this message can go out to everyone who reads this, but, I obviously speak from my experience as a girl. I read an article a while ago that bugged me; you can read about how UK girls are becoming more unhappy here. Specifically, these parts got to me:
“Among 10 to 15-year-old girls, the charity’s report says 14% are unhappy with their lives as a whole, and 34% with their appearance.
Researchers were told of girls feeling ugly or worthless.
By contrast the study found that boys’ sense of happiness remained stable.”
Like, what? Why is this happening to us?!
I’ve had a few thoughts (naturally).
We’re all in a lot more control than perhaps we used to be. We make far more decisions than we ever used to. We decide to click the “like” button, we decide to post comments, we decide to bring virtual goings on into our day to day lives.
Maybe this is making us more controlling than we used to be? To also counter act this, maybe we’re more susceptible to engaging with controlling people? It might be a controlling partner or friend, who is always putting you down. Once upon a time, before social media trolls got going, we didn’t post mean or manipulative comments online, we’d either say them to people’s faces (a la “Made in Chelsea”/”The Only Way is Essex”) or we’d think it and not say it at all.
If you live in the UK/US, if you’ve managed to wade past the US Election coverage, you might have picked up on Prince Harry’s new American girlfriend, Meghan Markle. Today, Harry released the best statement I’ve ever seen Kensington Palace come out with (and I’ve read a LOT of these); he asked the press to back off his new girlfriend, because it’s their lives that these people are messing with – it’s not a game.
“A relationship with no trust is like a cell phone with no service. All you can do is play games.”
All you can do is play games. This quote really made me stop and think. I trust my partner, so I’m not saying I relate to the first part. But my gosh, aren’t we all in some capacity subject to behaviour like the press’ behaviour towards Meghan? Aren’t some of us guilty of constant criticism, like the press have been towards Meghan?
Aren’t we all playing games? In every aspect of our lives, we are playing the games.
You’re not always going to be in control of the games. Sometimes you’ll win, sometimes you’ll lose. You might have to team up to level up. Young girls need to have each others backs. Let’s stop bickering in our friendships and our relationships, because these should be our support networks, not the things that take us down. We need to figure out how to bring it up to someone when they’re acting controlling. Figure out how to not let that manipulative person manipulate you.
I haven’t got some pearls of wisdom on how to implement those. We’re all different; there’s no way to offer blanket advice. I’ve said before that I’m far from perfect and need to practice what I preach too. One thing I am sure of is that once we can identify the problems, the sources of low confidence, the controlling people; that’s the key. We’ll work it out from there. Recognise who or what is causing you this upset. Then decide what you’re going to do about it.